Sunday, October 19, 2008

Fugging Laura (AGAIN)

Hands up - who's shocked that this maniac can't keep a steady employee?

I have a theory about why Laura is plagued by migraines - it likely has nothing to do with odors, chemicals, petroleum-based products or the alignment of the forks in her utensil drawer. And I'm qualified to posit such a theory, having suffered from migraines most of my life.

It sounds like Laura is an insane control freak who is wound so fucking tightly, her nerves must be in a constant state of inflammation. Maybe if Laura took a vacation, maybe spent less time trying to tell everyone else how to run their lives, or spent a little less time with her head fully lodged in her own rectum, she might start to relax and the migraines might let up.

Someone this fucked up shouldn't be allowed to be around other people, let alone tell them how to bathe or post condescending "job" ads with patronizing content such as "take care of yourself and take care of business." Fuck you - take care of your own fucking business, Lore-Ha.

How dare you abuse the word "oasis" and use it repeatedly in this posting. This environment sounds like a fascist nightmare run by the malevolent scent-free bunged-up Laura the Lunatic.

Every time I see this post I can't believe she thinks anyone with half a wit would respond, let alone entertain the idea of submitting to such abuse. And stop with the ALL CAPS you rude ASSHOLE.

Archive Intern (berkeley north / hills)

Reply to:
Date: 2008-10-18, 1:55PM PDT

Type: Paid internship
Start: ASAP
Openings: 2
Location: Berkeley, CA , Located 8 blocks north of UCB in home of UCB alum.

Hours: 15-30 hours per week, between 6:00 am and 9:00 pm, 7 days a week (some weekend/evening hours required).

Company Description: On-site work for Laura, a semi-retired activist and retired non-profit founder/director, in her smoke-free, scent-free home office. It is a small, sometimes hectic household -- an oasis of fun [???] and caring people, in an atmosphere of cooperation and camaraderie. The view is fabulous, and so are the memorabilia collected during the course of some 40 years as a social activist. [fuck the view - you won't ever get to see it - you're going to be very busy scrubbing yourself with baking soda.]

Job Description: You will take down memoirs as you go through the materials from the events and organizations in which Laura participated. You will also help sort, box and ship these materials, plus records from various social movements, to a major state historical society.

Job Qualifications

Required Experience: Office or archive/library/research/paper sorting experience. [i.e. must have thumbs]

Required Personal Characteristics/Job Skills: Be a good listener, take notes and send them out via e-mail with good writing skills; take care of yourself and take care of business; love e-mail and be fluent in Eudora, Excel, Word, etc.; have experience working for an individual; be caring and compassionate; be responsible about time-management, tasks and cleanup; think consequentially/plan ahead to avoid creating crises; have a sense of humor; value your own labor and the labor of others by being organized, clear and staying on task; be a centered, well-grounded person; be safety savvy in both office and home settings.

Transportation: Owning a car is desirable, but not essential. Ideally, employee would have own car for occasional errands, transporting and accompanying Laura to a few of her appointments. Mileage will be reimbursed. A driver's license is required for occasional use of Laura's car and you must be a good driver.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Everyone in Laura's oasis [fugging nightmare hellhole] shares a commitment to being smoke-free and scent free to maintain an environment that is friendly to those here, or visitors, who have allergies, asthma, or are environmentally sensitive. Due to a condition known as MCS (Multiple Chemical Sensitivity), Laura herself is subject to severe migraines when exposed to certain products. For everyone’s well-being, employees and members of their households must refrain from using products that are hazardous to others' health if they will be carried into Laura's household on you or your clothes. Please do not apply if you think you will have difficulty giving up any scented products. (Synthetic fragrances are made from toxic petroleum and other chemicals.)

If you are particularly fond of perfume/cologne, fabric softener, scented detergents, dryer sheets, toxic cleaning products, air "fresheners," smoking, incense, scented hair-care products; this, sadly, is not the workplace for you. However, if you are eager, willing and able to make the transition to healthier products and simply lack funds to do so, Laura will help in hardship cases with the purchase of basic scent-free products after your on site interview. Initially you will need only baking soda and Ivory or Basis soap to remove traces of any previous problematic products. Then, if you are hired, you can change over to healthy products for you and all.

HOW TO APPLY: For your cover letter, just copy and paste this posting into your e-mail response. Particularly in the Qualifications and Job Description areas, include information about your experience and each of the personal characteristics and job skills. TAKE CARE TO INSERT your replies between the appropriate lines in dialogue fashion, just like the in-person conversation we hope to have with you down the line after our initial e-mail screening process.

Give us EXAMPLES of your skills and suitability to the job, as well as the job's suitability to you, plus any comments and questions. Also, add your available times for us to schedule you both as a work schedule and for an interview, and your necessary hourly rate of pay and anything else. If you have a resume you may attach it, but it is not absolutely required. One of the most important parts of your application is your conversational reply, so we prefer that you focus on that aspect instead of strictly your resume.
Kindly send us contact information for three references, and good times to reach your references and you.
· Compensation: Negotiable - please list requirements
· This is a part-time job.
· Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
· Please, no phone calls about this job!
· Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. [unless you're a sales rep for Arm & Hammer or Procter & Gamble]

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