Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Laura Needs a Packin'

And she thinks you need to be a thinking person's packer. This woman needs a lot of help, all the time. Someone - please - pack her into a box & get her on a plane to the other side of the planet.

Thinking Person's Packing Job (berkeley north / hills)

Reply to: packme@packitbabypackit.org
Date: 2008-01-18, 2:26PM PST

Located 8 blocks north of UCB in home of UCB alum.
Type: Temp job, 2-month pt/ft position
Start: ASAP

Hours: 15-40 hours per week, between 6:00 am and 9:00 pm, 7 days a week (some weekend/evening hours required).

Company Description
On-site work for Laura, a semi-retired activist and retired non-profit founder/director, in her smoke-free, scent-free home office and three additional sites in the N Berkeley area.

Job Description
You will be responsible for working with Laura and other staff members as they inventory, pack and ship some 700 boxes of Laura's collected archival materials to a major state historical society. The deadline for the project is in 2 months and we are looking for an enthusiastic worker to help us with this final push. [but if you're too enthusiastic and might start perspiring, forget it - you could emit a "scent" and get canned.]

Job Qualifications
Office or archive/library/research/paper sorting, Packing, experience. [being able to read or spell - not important - but you must be fluent in stacking and piling shit into boxes]

Careful listener able to take notes by typing quickly, and send them out via e-mail with good writing skills; fluent in Eudora, Excel, Word, etc.; able to think consequentially and plan ahead/clean up behind yourself and others; patient and detail oriented; safety savvy in both office and home settings. [what does all this have to do with packing shit?]

A car will be helpful for errands, split shifts, and occasionally for transporting Laura. A driver's license is required for occasional use of Laura's car and you must be a good driver.

IMPORTANT NOTE: [it's so important, it's a giant blathering paragraph that'll put you to sleep]
Everyone in Laura's oasis shares a commitment to being smoke-free and scent free to maintain an environment that is friendly to those who have allergies, asthma, or are environmentally sensitive. Due to a condition known as MCS (Multiple Chemical Sensitivity), Laura herself is subject to severe migraines when exposed to certain products. For these reasons, employees and members of their households must refrain from using products that are hazardous to others' health if they will be carried into Laura's household on you or your clothes. If you are particularly fond of perfume/cologne, fabric softener, scented detergents, dryer sheets, toxic cleaning products, air "fresheners," smoking, incense, scented hair-care products; this, sadly, is not the workplace for you. However, if you are eager, willing and able to make the transition to healthier products and simply lack funds to do so, Laura will help in hardship cases with the purchase of basic scent-free products after your on site interview. Initially you will need only baking soda and Ivory or Basis soap to remove traces of any previous problematic products. Then, if you are hired, you can change over to the healthy products for you and all.

For your cover letter, just copy and paste this posting into your e-mail to loma64@yahoo.com. Particularly in the Qualifications and Job Description areas, include information about your experience and each of the personal characteristics and job skills. Take care to INSERT your replies between the appropriate lines in dialogue fashion, just like the in-person conversation we hope to have with you down the line after our initial e-mail screening process.

Give us EXAMPLES of your skills and suitability to the job, plus any comments and questions. Also, add your available times for us to schedule you both as a work schedule and for an interview, and your necessary hourly rate of pay and anything else. If you have a resume you may attach it, but please do not use it to miss out on the conversational reply to this ad. [miss out? really?] Kindly send us contact information for three references, and good times to reach your references and you.



pollyanna cowgirl said...

I squeal with joy whenever I see that once again, Laura has posted an ad on Craigslist!

What, did your last carefully-chosen employee not work out for you? Surprise surprise!

I finally googled her crazy ad in an attempt to get some kind of explanation, and found this site. Excellent! :)

Scholar Spartan said...

This is a very funny and helpful web blog. Please do keep the horror job stories coming...am sure there is no shortage of them.


nootsmaak said...

Thanks WJE fans! We're back on the job and will continue posting the worst of the worst as we find them!

Yours in worsty goodness,

kriss kross said...

did you perform the job for laura at one point, or is this mere amusement at the ongoing reposting of this ad?

i didn't see that you've disclosed your identity on the site, so i'd be v. curious to know if you did this job!

nootsmaak said...

Oh golly no - I don't think Laura could pay me enough to endure one day in her scent-free nightmare.

This whole thing started when I found a post for a photographer job posted by Jeremy's - it was so ridiculous, all the things they were asking ONE person to do, my friend and I started this blog.

I started looking in the part-time and ETC categories and found a posting from this woman named Laura.

She keeps posting the same or similar job openings, likely because no one can meet her demands - it's hilarious (and sad) how many times she's posted on CL.

Now it almost feels like a public service to keep calling attention to potential employers who would be utter nightmares to work for.